As I write this, I am filled of mixed emotions.
I'm excited, sad, scared, angry, worried......
The list could go on and on.
Everyone tries to give you advice.
And the advice is really appreciated.
But until you've been in this position, you really have no idea.
I had no idea.
No idea about everything that goes with a preemie.
SOOOOO many rules and guidelines.
It is more than emotionally draining.
And it is just starting.
Parents comparing children is one of my biggest pet peeves.
We'll be on an adjusted growth schedule.
Like two months behind.
People don't realize that.
At 2 months of age, she will JUST now be accomplishing newborn things.
I hope she can suck in 2 weeks.
Who on earth would have thought that not all babies come out screaming.
Who would have thought that a reflex so natural as sucking doesn't really start until 34ish weeks.
I thought all babies could suck.
I mean their tongue and lips go even when they aren't eating right?
We have to train Harper to suck.
Did you know they can use sugar water to do that?
I know that should be the least of my worries.
Breast milk is medicine.
Breast milk will help her more than many other things.
She won't even be able to nurse.
Then, lets get to the part of what she will look like.
Yes, she will be beautiful to us.
Just like a perfect little baby.
She will be beautiful to many.
To others, she will look funny.
She will look like a preemie.
She is going to be covered in tubes.
Probably in a warmer until she can maintain her own temps.
Her head might be shaped funny.
Her skin might be see through.
I won't see her for 12-24 hours.
Our families will be lucky to see her in a couple of weeks.
Can you imagine having a baby and not holding the baby for that long?
Can you imagine having a baby and not immediately putting her on the breast?
That is just human and animal nature.
I pray that I get to kangaroo with her on Saturday.
I think I cried every time someone spoke to me yesterday.
Even if they just looked, I bawled.
Today as well.
I went into my scan this morning expecting my fluid to be at an 8.6 or higher.
That is where is was Monday.
I have done nothing but eat, lay in bed and drink fluids.
I had no reason to believe it would be any lower.
It is amazing how hungry you are when you do nothing but lay around.
Boy was my bubble busted.
A FREAKING 3.7.
Do you know how low that is?
That is litterly nothing.
And the ultrasounds tend to magnify things.
I have to do kick counts around the clock, NST, etc because we still can loose her.
I know we won't but there is still a chance.
Imagine sitting here stressing that your baby might not make it to your delivery.
Talk about a stroke waiting to happen.
So.....to make this long ramble short, we are delivering.
We are having a C Section tomorrow afternoon at 1:30.
For Chris and I to be strong.
For Harper to be breathing on her own.
For her strength because she needs to be a strong fighter.
For people to understand that we aren't being mean but following NICU rules when we say no.
The Doctor projected her to be around 8 1/2 pounds at 38 weeks so as long as she hasn't lost any more weight, she should be right around 3 1/2 pounds.
The husband and I will keep you updated. If you aren't friends with us on Facebook, add us as we will update there more often I'm sure.