Unexpected 2013

Wow, what a year 2013 has already been. We've been at our lowest of lows and our highest of highs....ALREADY! It isn't even the end of the first month yet and we've been through so many life changing things.


Many of you know that 2013 is a big year for us, a huge opportunity for the husband and a move. A move, that is nothing new right? Well the location, I've never even considered traveling there for any reason. At all. So this will be a big adventure. We are going to bust our butt and hope this opportunity blows everyone away. After our time there is put in (a year or two), we will be able to move unless of course we fall in love with the area.  Yeah....hmmmm.....I'm sure we will enjoy it but I bet we will move. :)  HG will be put into private 5 day a week Pre K next year.  With her late July birthday and even later due date we feel that this would be best.  Then add in the move with is stressful for children of any age and the fact that she is only in school two days a week....yeah, we need a little practice of real school before we begin kindergarten. Plus, I  will get to shelter her one more year before she enters school...such a scary place.

But of course when everything is going smoothly and perfectly, there is always a kink. Right? And in our case, it was a MAJOR kink. My OB in early December referred me to a Urologist because in his  opinion, I needed to be seen. Y'all know how I feel about my OB, the husband too, we love him. I scheduled my appointment, a month out so I could get a sitter and thought not much of it. I had been having a hard time getting above 112 weight wise and spent most of December focusing on gaining. Mission accomplished I must say. Tonight, as I type and eating a cupcake, I am still below where I should be for height and build but I don't look sick anymore. My appointment came around and he scheduled me for a CT Scan. I was like sure whatever, Harper has had a few so I will survive. Have you ever had a CT with dye? Yep, I seriously thought I wet my pants on that table. Oh my word, I really did. The lady assured me I didn't but I kept asking her to check. I knew I did. Nope, I didn't and the feeling went away thankfully. I had a follow up scheduled for 1/23 but my Dr said he would call if he saw anything. Five days later, he called. At 8:30 exactly in the morning. My dad, his girl friend and the girls were here. I just started bawling and ran to the laundry room to finish talking. My biggest fear (besides something happening to my children) was becoming real. Something that I had prayed about every single day since I was little. I remember being super young and praying and begging never to have kidney cancer. Never ever is what I would beg of the Lord. It look my mom at 31 only 10 weeks after finding out. TEN WEEKS. I had just turned four and my brother, he had just turned 2. It was almost my girls ages. When he said his name, I instantly knew it was bad by the tone of his voice.  "Mrs Bell, we found three cysts on your kidney and two suspicious spots". I pry for more information and asking questions like what stage cancer is it, what size, one kidney, etc.  He assured me that it was stage 1, two tumors and one kidney. Your life, it really flashes before your eyes when you are told that  80% of tumors in the kidneys are cancer. I had some doctors telling me to go for a second opinion but do it quickly because it spreads like wild fire, some were telling me to remove the whole kidney and then I had some just saying the two tumors. I was a wreck. I cried anytime I thought or looked at the girls. I did find out that stage 1 Renal Cell Carcinoma typically has a 90% success rate if found early enough and taken care of properly. It doesn't respond to chemo or radiation is one of the reasons it is so deadly. Plus, it is call a silent killer. I could barely hold myself up at times I was such a wreck much less sleep. All night long, I laid there listening to the girls breathe (the husband, he was oot).  I cried on the plane when Chris brought it up on the way to Denver. I could not and would not let it go. I wasn't going to loose to this evil, terrible thing. I had decided that if a kidney removal was the safest, that would be our decision. We were looking at first week of Feb for the surgery so we could schedule people to help for a few weeks until I could carry Harper. One last  thing though, a MRI. They needed to see the exact size and shape of the suspicious tumors. I had the prayers coming and I was begging and praying every single chance I got.  My mom brought HG back from her house and took me to the MRI while Collins and Cristi kept the girls. The radiologist was amazing. AMAZING. He has been doing it for 25 years and when we were done he said....hopefully those spots will just turn out to be new forming cysts. He said it more than once, many times to be exact. I told mom that I thought he was trying to tell me something.  She mentioned it to her friend and she too agreed. I held my breathe though, I mean we had all been preparing for a major surgery and praying it didn't come back.  It 5:03, my phone rang. It was him. He was upbeat. UPBEAT I tell you. In my mind, I was thinking why the hell is he so upbeat if he is just going to tell me I really do have cancer. I was shaking. I think my eyes were even shaking. Then he spoke softly. The two suspicious tumors are indeed new forming cysts. I made him repeat it. And again and again. I almost didn't believe him. He said I had no cancer signs in my abdominal area. PRAISE THE LORD. Oh my goodness, shout off the highest mountain PRAISE THE LORD. I was numb. I have never been so thankful in my life. Yes, I do have five cysts in my kidneys but only rarely do they turn into cancer. I will have to have the MRI looked over by a couple Oncologist just to be on the safe side but today, things are looking bright. And Happy. And Joyful. And Blessed. Blessed beyond belief. I will never be able to explain the feeling I felt when he said no cancer. It was the most amazing feeling in my life.  I will have to follow up every 6-12 months, for the rest of my life. But hey, I am 100% okay with that. Today, I am healthy and my girls will have a mom and my husband will have a wife. This changed me, it changed me a lot. The girls had already changed me to be much more humble in life. But this, this ordeal, seriously nothing matters but our happiness and health now. We won't rush life, we won't compare to others, we won't buy just to buy. I am so thankful that I will wake up tomorrow in a warm house fill with love and a few screams. I have been overwhelmed by the support. My parents, sister and Cristi have been bending over backwards to come and do things even when I said not to come. I'm glad Cristi didn't listen because she did my soul good. The calls, texts and emails, those gave me hope and prayers. I could feel the prayers as I was praying. I look up at the sky and smile and thank the Lord like I have never before. I also think my mom was pulling some strings up there. She misses me but I'm raising two extraordinary women right now and my mission, it isn't over yet.

Now, as I am sitting here and bawling, I must go check on my amazing daughters. They are asleep but I feel the need to check.I am Blessed, I am incredibly lucky, I owe my life to the good Lord and my family.

God is good