Saturday, December 29, 2012

Ups and downs

Parenting as well as anything in life has its ups and downs. More ups than downs for sure but some days, I ask myself how on earth am I going to make it until bedtime. Not just bedtime but through the next hour.

This week with the colder temps and being flu season, we started going stir crazy. The husband, baby and I were sold on getting out of the house. HG, I think the only time she has been out of her pajamas is when we forced her to.
A trip to lunch and mall walking at grapevine mills just about did us in. I lucked out nicely, the husband took HG next door to walk around Bass Pro while I walked through a couple of stores. Harper, you could tell wasn't feeling too hot. Not only did we stop her reflux medicine at a year, she is finishing up her molars, cutting her eye teeth AND still suffering from a sinus infection (much better today). She has even on various antibiotics for 10 weeks straight. So as you can imagine, her belly is suffering. Just this week, we changed antibiotics from one we started a week ago. With that, we restarted her reflux meds and working on taking all dairy out. It seems to terribly upset her still. Example...she had Danon yogurt this morning for breakfast and within 30 minutes, she has poop all the way to her toes. She felt like a million bucks after and kept say 'uh oh' but that is no fun for she or I. Everything single thing has dairy it seems. I'm not going to be crazy about it but pulling it out long enough to see a difference. She still can't do cow milk. AT ALL. With all of stuff going on with her little body, she decided that Friday she would wake at 2am. For the day that is. The night before that, she had been up a ton but luckily I caught a nap shortly before dawn. Friday however, that wasn't the case. She wasnt having it. She fussed and moaned as if she was in pain. By lunch on Friday, two whiney girls and a momma who stayed up until midnight was about to blow. I finally gave in and just started bawling. Harper in her crib for over an hour refusing a nap, HG whining about every little thing in site and a momma who needed five minutes but couldn't find it. After calling and crying to my parents, I called the husband and said come home now. Thankfully, he was in Irving because I really didn't want my parents to drive over for a five minute break. Okay, realllllllllly I did but that wasn't fair to them being five and three hours away. I felt terrible and horrible for breaking down, I felt like a failure. I was exhausted, not sure what my next move for sleep needed to be. I think the husband finally realized that I hadn't slept at night since Harper. It had caught up with me. I crumbled. I can't believe I lasted that long. He ordered Boston Market and when 8 rolled around last night, I crawled Ito hg's bed and she into mine. I slept enough not to feel miserable today. Praise the Lord! Harper was still up some but after a burp or two and some motrin, she rested. Maybe it was all my praying I did or maybe her belly felt better. Either way, I crumbled like I never had before, ever.

Today was much better all around. I still felt horrible from crumbling. There are people who would love a challenging time just to have a child or their child back. Here I had been bawling my eyes out over whiney, sick and no sleep children. I prayed and prayed hard today for many. I thanked God so many times for my amazing children and apologized for loosing it. I know it is okay and expected from time to time but I felt really bad. HG was so worried that I was bawling, it probably scared her. As with each new day are new moods. I am thankful for today and our bright moods.....well most of us had bright moods.

1 comment:

  1. oh sweet friend, I'm so sorry you had such a rough day or two. I have had those breakdowns where I thought I needed serious help! Life is so good, and it's so hard at the same time. I'm sorry we've been sick, because I feel like we haven't been available to can call me anytime though, no matter what! We live close, and I can come rescue you anytime! :)

    I often feel like you described here, and I don't want to be ungrateful because I have a healthy baby and lots of good things in my life, but then I remember to be easier on myself. Things can be hard no matter how blessed we know that we are.

    Sending you a big hug and a prayer!